Ah, Buenos Aires. The first time you visit any city, you can’t do it all. Sometimes budget constraints limit options, or the allotted time slips away. Thanks to a great itinerary put together by Yampu Tours, I experienced some of the best of Buenos Aires in a way that made me want to return. I’m sure I’ll go back for more…. Continue reading “First time in Buenos Aires? 5 Things I loved!”
Fashion and style expert Lee Sable has contributed to this blog from the beginning – her Twinkle Toes piece remains one of 3 Score’s best-read posts. Her unimpeachable eye, flair, and whimsy are informed by a lifelong career in international fashion. Pom poms are now on her radar…
Lee found the pom-pom bag, above, at Linda’s@Bergdorf Goodman.
Otherwise, options galore…
Spring is a sign of regeneration and nowhere is that more evident than in Italy’s central province of Umbria. The wisteria’s vibrancy sends the bees into a frenzy of activity, the iris’ delicate white blossoms bump up against the woody grape vines and trees ripe with spring growth; the season’s unfolding is something to behold.
Umbria is beautiful all year round, but spring may just its peak. The following photo essay was drawn from the area around Civitella del Lago, a small village above a ‘lake’ formed by a dam on the river Tiber. The town is located in between Todi and Perugia, in central Umbria.
Here are some reasons to see Umbria in the spring….
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There is no single image that can capture the essence of Peru; it’s more than llamas.
I’m soon heading out on what I’d call the “starter tour” of Peru. Ten days visiting some of the high spots: Cusco, Sacred Valley, Manchu Picchu, Lake Titicaca and, of course, Lima.
The Peru trip promises to be special as it’s the home country of Jose Irauzqui, founder and president of Yampu. So when I say they really put their heart into it… I’m looking forward to great, great experiences.
But 10 days is barely enough time to scratch the surface of Peru.
Start with the country’s almost incomprehensible geographic diversity.
Just a bit bigger than Alaska, Peru boasts the world’s highest city (the mining town La Rinconada, at 16, 700 ft), a 1500 mile Pacific coastline, sand dunes of the Huacachina desert oasis, glaciers and dense jungles, and the soaring the Andean peaks surrounding Manchu Picchu.
And the Amazon rainforest. In fact, this region covers over 60% of Peru, the second-largest chunk within a single country. (Brazil has the most).
Literature as insight into Peru’s cultural diversity and rich history.
It’s found in stories.
Mario Vargas Llosa, a prolific Peruvian whom the New York Times dubbed the “elder statesman of Latin America literature.” He is an essayist, novelist, and political activist.
He has the soul of his country in his heart.
His skills brought me to the fantastical reaches of Peru’s Amazonian tribes in the 1950’s: The Storyteller.
His Lima-centered Aunt Julia and the Scriptwriter is something I’m saving for the plane.
Then there is the grim tale depicting Peru’s grinding stand-off with guerilla Maoists of the Shining Path in the 1980’s: Death in the Andes.
The novel gives us a quick brush stroke, a tiny keyhole glimpse of conflict through the eyes of the characters, both noble and not so much.
I’ve found a probing intellect in Vargas Llosa’s Notes on the Death of Culture.
While not meant to be a “travel book” per se, I find thought-provoking for the serious traveler in our “post-culture” world.
He laments a global sameness, an aspirational materialism stoking the world’s economic engine, the primacy of image over the word. All, he posits, have contrived to change what it means for a society to have a culture.
Culture has little to do with quantity, everything to do with quality. — Mario Vargas Llosa
In travel, culture matters. A lot.
Other Must-Reads for Peru
These provide an insight into Peru you won’t find in travel guides, on Trip Advisor, or even the most informed travel itineraries.
It’s the work you’ve got to do to get behind the brochures.
If you have the time or inclination for just one book before traveling to Peru, make it this one. A collection of essays, short stories, legends and biographies, this provides a look at the diversity that makes Peru so fascinating.
This one is on every list of must-reads on Peru. Focusing on the history of the Incas, it retraces the steps of Hiram Bingham, the early 20th-century explorer who claimed to “find” the lost traces of the remarkable Incan civilization near modern-day Cusco.
The seminal work of Hiram Bingham. You might as well read his first-hand account, written soon after his 1911 exploration that made him famous.
‘If you reject the food, ignore the customs, fear the religion and avoid the people, you might better stay home.’ – James Michener
This article was first published on Medium.com
N.B. Purchases on Amazon from links herein will generate a small commission, at no extra cost to you.
Copyright 2018 Jane Trombley All rights reserved.
Editor’s note: this post was originally published on Medium.com
It’s mid-August. In Italy, the country is on holiday. It’s planned. It’s anticipated, and it’s savored. The pinnacle of the month-long kick-back is August 15th, the public holiday of Ferragosto.
Being Italian, it conveniently coincides with the important Catholic feast of the Assumption of St. Mary.
Long before the Church took control of the calendar and the holidays, the Roman emperor Augustus introduced, in18 BCE, Feriae Augusti a late summer break after the extended period of intense summer labor in the fields.
A planned break after long labor: that’s living by intention.
Apparently not everyone can take August off. But everyone CAN (and does) take a day — August 15th — for a long lunch, copious wine and rest. That’s Ferragosto
In 2008, Italian filmmaker Gianni DiGregorio won “Best First Film” at the Venice Film Festival for this charming portrayal of a man caught in the vise of Ferragosto gone wrong.
In this spoof, the middle-aged son of an aging aristocratic mother is conned into looking after the mums of various others on this holiest of summer holidays.
Everyone in the film, it appears, is living with Intention. Except for our hero, and yet, even he managed it in the end.
In America, we react to August and to life.
We Americans tend to take the latter half of August as it comes, with an eye to Autumn. We tend to start thinking about back-to-school, maybe the last beach trip. We tend to react to the close of summer, rather than celebrate it.
By the time Labor Day rolls around, we’ve circled back to summer: school has already started, the consumption cycle is all about Autumn. It’s the last hurrah. But still, it’s a reaction. It’s not living by intention.
We’re always forward-looking and reacting to what comes our way. Do we plan? Yes, for retirement, children’s education, a house, a car.
But I posit that as a society, we’re lousy at living by Intention.
The commitment to living by Intention
I’ve been troubled by this flopping around, reacting to everything. My life seems chaotic, putting out fires — metaphorically — in every aspect of my life.
It’s draining both physically and emotionally.
Getting out of Survival Mode
Wow, that’s me. Survival Mode. Okay, then.
The subconscious cycle, he explains, blurs the distinction between the body and the mind. We go on autopilot. We react.
I’m not so sure about the morning routine making me a millionaire. Actually, other factors must come into play for that to happen.
But I get his point. I get that living with intention takes conscious effort. It takes conscious effort to effect change in behavior.
I’m sold. I’m on the other side of 65, but I am convinced there are more (again, metaphorical) mountains to climb. I know what I’d like to become. I can see it.
But I’m often either too lazy or too frightened to step out of my very established comfort zone to go for it.
Here’s the 4–1–1: It won’t happen unless I break out of my own self-imposed jail.
It won’t happen unless I subject myself to the uncertainty and accept less predictability.
It won’t happen unless I accept the chance I won’t make it (except I know I will if I try).
Finally, It won’t happen unless I try stuff I’ve never done, explore the unknown. Simply put, the unknown is my vision.
I’m just scared.
Moving forward with Intention
I don’t want to hang the “Closed” sign on my life. Not yet.
I’m taking some of Ben’s suggestions to begin to organize my life around them.
I’m following the basics of his Evening and Morning routine. I can see early on that setting up the following day eliminates floundering; you merely get stuff done because you know what needs to be done.
I won’t do everything, of course. We each need to work this out for ourselves, for our personalities, for our objectives.
That said, I don’t want my life to be a series of random acts responding to stimuli. I want a plan, dammit!
And I am committed to doing new things. Going new places. At least once a week. Getting out of my head.
I’m seeing how organization can keep the nonsense crap from invading my purpose and intention.
I wrote recently about crabgrass and writing. Now I think it’s bigger than that. I don’t want the crabgrass of life to overtake my proverbial garden the garden being my hopes and dreams. My own “garden of desire.”
There’s nothing like weeding to focus the mind.medium.com
I want an intentional plan. It won’t necessarily guarantee success. But it won’t mitigate my chances, either.
It’s not over til the fat lady sings.
And this lady is just warming up. There’s another act to unfold.
So here’s to a good break in August. Here’s to Ferragosto. Cin Cin.
I’ll let you know how it goes.
Editor’s Note: This post was first published on Medium. it is republished here to expand the range of topics on 3 Score & More
Here’s what you need to know.
If you’re a writer and a gardener, maybe you already know it.
There is great similarity between writing and gardening. More than you might think.
Superficially, of course, they are not at all similar. Gardening is, most often, more physically demanding than writing. Writing requires greater, more focused cognitive attention. Most of the time.
Writing and gardening are beguiling taskmasters.
Once in your veins, writing and gardening can become obsessions.
Experience a bit of success, favorable comments on a blog post, publication acceptance of an article and the hook is set.
That buzz you hear are the writing gods at work to lure you to the craft.
The never ending list of ideas, begetting projects, begetting drafts, begetting revisions. And somehow you’re driven to reach for more. The next idea, the next pitch, the next freelance gig.
A delicious tidbit from your vegetable patch? The brilliant peonies lining the driveway? The garden gods have claimed you, probably forever. And there’s no escape. Just try to find the Exit door.
In gardening, the tasks are positively Sisyphean. You’re never done with the upkeep, battling pests, the seasonal repair after a brutal winter or a weather calamity.
Writing and gardening demand a strict production schedule
Both writing and gardening are 24/7 endeavors. During the “season” of productivity, you don’t/can’t stop.
Short breaks are allowed, but not long enough to disturb the rhythm of the process. Calendars are they byword.
There are deadlines in writing, productivity goals in blogging, an editors’ unending requests, a client’s unreasonable timeframe.
Gardening is no more forgiving and likewise calendar-driven. Can’t plant before the last frost (whenever that is if, like me, you live in upstate New York).
In many ways, however, garden’s diurnal tasks of each season are therapeutic. Dependable as the sunrise and sunset. Ancient as, well, the Byrds.
Writing and gardening favor right-brained thinking
This should come as no surprise to you writers and gardeners. Your creative, artistic, intuitive leanings are already apparent. That right brain of yours is on fire.
You can “see” the next year’s garden. You can imagine the flow of words.
In both cases it’s work to eke the raw material out to make manifest, in gardens and words, your creativity.
Yet, at the end of the day, creativity is the ultimate right-brain blessing. Don’t take it lightly.
Neither writing nor gardening are sociable activities.
Surely there are sociable gardeners. There are sociable writers.
The intense work to achieve, if not greatness, then respectabilty in these endeavors is a solitary pursuit.
You may have help; you may seek advice along the path to creation, but the blood, sweat and effort is yours alone.
There’s singular ownership. In their heart of hearts, both writers and gardeners know this.
Surely the results of these endeavors are social. The fruits of you labor, your latest post, book, cherry tomato or exploding perennial flower bed is is shared on all forms of social media.
That’s the victory lap. Well-deserved public declaration of the completed task. And, we always hope, public appreciation for the effort.
The accolades are social. The work? Not so much.
In gardening and writing the balance between pleasure and pain is rarely symmetrical
There are moments of intense hard work. Disruption, frustration.
Moments of disappointment, rejection.
Moments of despair, when nothing is fitting or the circumstances have thwarted your every move.
Writing is like that. So is gardening. There are thorns among the roses. And it can all seem unrelentingly shitty.
Moments of victory.
Ah Ha! moments of orgasmic proportion.
Moments when all the knowledge, insight and secrets of the universe have been revealed.
Moments of sheer bliss when the words come together to form the perfect sentence.The sentences weave into the perfect paragraph. The entire piece a symphony of word play and imagery. Your creation.
It’s sheer bliss when the hydrangea blooms like blue/pink/white fists. When, with a glass of rose, a twilight garden walk is otherworldly and the light infused with gold. With help from the Universe, your creation.
Writing and gardening will take a ridiculous amount of time and effort.
Just so you know, perfection in either pursuit is illusory.
It is a noble cause to seek, but manage your expectations. And don’t forget to have fun. Otherwise, it won’t be worth the time or the effort.
All claps and shares are appreciated with #gratitude.
Editor’s note: this post was first published on Medium.
Travel is important at any time in life. Travel gets you out of your shell, your culture, your background, your self-imposed confines.
At a young age, travel exposes you to the world, whether across the state, across the country or around the globe.
Later in life, and particularly in retirement, time seems to speed up, to enter a different continuum. Travel seems more urgent, the experience is more alive and somehow, more profound.
The distance and the destination are not critical, it’s the fact that you’re doing it at all.
Travel in retirement keeps you sharp
You have lots of ways to spend your time and resources once you hit retirement. A trip is just one option. But it keeps you actively engaged in life’s “game.” Regardless of whether you choose a full package such as a tour or a cruise, or more independent travel, the dynamics are similar.
Travel takes you out of your comfort zone. It’s always about the new experience, even if it’s a place you’ve been to before. Travel is fresh, a dash of the unknown. In retirement, that’s an excellent thing. You didn’t retire to sit passively, did you? I didn’t think so.
Being out of your “comfort zone” doesn’t mean traipsing around the unknown. It just means putting a toe outside of your routine and widen the net of experience.
“There are no foreign lands. It is the traveller only who is foreign.” — Robert Louis Stevenson
The upshot? Your comfort zone — the space you occupy in physical, mental and emotional states — just got bigger. Remember, there are no “foreign lands.”
Travel requires social and communication skills.
You need to interact with people you meet. That runs the gamut from service personnel, fellow travelers of your choosing or locals you meet along the way. You need to be able to communicate your needs and preferences. You’ll want to chat up your seat-mate on the tour, relive the day with your traveling companions (yes, even your spouse!), and discuss where-to next.
All this takes considerable cognitive power, social engagement and, sometimes, “attitude adjustment” (another term for patience).
Just keep your cool. You can do this. You’re not the old codger your children think you are.
Travel keeps you self-aware. When traveling you have a heightened awareness of your surroundings.
As the British-born author, Aldous Huxley famously said,
There are things known and there are things unknown, and in between are the doors of perception.
Travel in retirement is about keeping those “doors of perception” open, wide open, between the known and the unknown.
This is the best time of your life to explore your “unknowns.”
You have the luxury of unhurried time. It’s one of life’s greatest gifts.
Travel in retirement is a huge part of life-long learning
Life-long learning is not only huge, and travel in retirement makes it fun and actionable.
If you’ve researched your destination, figured out the best way to travel that suited your budget, interests, any limitations, that’s learning.
You can up your tech game: Did you learn at least a phrase in another language, thanks to an app like Duolingo? Did you download a travel app? Did you use Google Maps or some other direction-finding software to get from Point A to Point B?
What assumptions were challenged?
What did you come back knowing you didn’t know before? What “doors of perception” were opened as a result of your travel, or the preparation for it?
That’s life-long learning.
Travel in retirement gives you information and experiences to share.
Coming back from travel, you’re a different “you.” It’s nearly impossible to have a travel experience and not have something stick
Unless you’re like my Aunt Flo. She and Uncle Art traveled the world in retirement, thanks to his life-long career with United Air Lines.
She was the “Teflon traveler” because nothing, and I mean nothing, stuck.They would go on a whim, world-wide on trips with other United-retirees, and come back emotionally void from the experience.
“It was nice,” she’d say. But it didn’t penetrate, it didn’t stick. She didn’t feel it.
I am indebted to my aunt and uncle for my travel curiosity. They took me along on a tour to Scandinavia when I was 15, in the early 1960’s. By luck, some Australian girls my age were on the tour, too. We remained pen pals for decades, long before email. That interaction is still a sweet memory. It stuck.
Please don’t be like dear Aunt Flo. Make travel “stick.”
Let travel make you a more interesting person.
Travel doesn’t need to be far, or exotic. It needn’t be expensive. But the experience will make you a more interesting person. You’ll have more to talk about. Even pictures to share.
You’ll even have bragging rights.
And the best part? Travel in retirement emboldens you to do more.
So, where are you off to?
Editor’s note: This post was published originally on Medium.
Dorset, like all of England, is a haven for walkers. It pairs fitness with some of the most idyllic scenery on earth. There is terrain to suit every fitness level and every quest for an aerobic challenge.
About two hours by train from London, Dorset combines aquamarine sea vistas with the pastoral beauty of Shakespeare’s “blessed plot.”
In a nation acutely aware of those blessings, a good bit of Dorset is designated as an AONB (Area of Outstanding Natural Beauty).
This coastal walk is part of the famed Southwest Coast Path, which in its entirety is 630 miles around the western tip of England.
This 5-day stint covered the “Jurassic Coast” — from Lyme Regis to Lulworth Cove, beyond Weymouth — a total of about 45 miles.
Plan, Plan, Plan!
The success of any hiking or walking trip the trip is defined by variables such as weather, trail conditions, the unforeseen injury. Mitigate any possible downside of the unexpected with a plan.
Winging it is good; I love on-the-fly. But I also like knowing where I’m going to lay my head each night, and how my luggage is going to get from point A to point B. There is enough drama and adventure on the trail.
Organize with a professional
Self-guided tour companies provide structure and guidance that takes the guesswork out of the experience. Encounter Walking is a very professional provider.
When we got stuck along the trail, befuddled by the map the second day out, there was a phone number and a helpful voice at the other end.
When to go to Dorset
Mid-June which, despite an early heat wave, gave us the untrammeled beauty of early summer. That said, all the places in the northern hemisphere are lovely in September/October. Dorset glows at that time of year.
However, the Dorset coast is a tourist magnet. High summer, July and especially August, is the ‘season’ so set your expectations: packed restaurants, impatient crowds, increasingly frazzled staff.
“Shoulder” seasons are highly recommended. Late autumn would be stunning.
What to expect in Dorset
- Terrain — The maps/itinerary are very clear as to the difficulty of the topography. Most fall into the “mild” to “moderate” range with some steep patches. While the “ascent” is not remarkable, the long, slow climbs are challenging.
- A good part of the trail leaving Lyme Regis is along the beach, under the famed Jurassic Coast cliffs. It makes for a pebbly, unstable ground underfoot, slow and tiring. This section is also stunningly beautiful, and it’s possible to pick up a fossil or two if you’re eagle-eyed.
- Weather — Coastal weather is often fickle but, it’s important to understand that this walk is very exposed to the elements. There is little shade from the blazing sun, little protection from rain and wind.
- Facilities — are few and far between on the trail. Be prepared if necessary, to “go” behind a dune or other secluded spot. As ever, good trail etiquette is “carry in/carry out” so, be prepared!
- The trail runs through private pasture land. At points, you’ll be next to, or in some cases among, sheep or cattle.
It’s a very different concept to American hikers/walkers who would not dream of “trespassing” on private land. In the U.K. it is permissible. There is an unspoken pact with the cows: you leave them alone and they leave you alone.
What to bring to Dorset
- Maps/guides Maps/guides If you work with a comprehensive trip organizer, you’ll have a precise itinerary, essential phone numbers, general maps. The trail is well marked, so additional material (like the famous British Ordnance Survey maps) isn’t necessary.
- Proper gear This is more than a “sneaker” walk; bring good quality, lightweight hiking boots. You’ll cover a range of terrain, from muddy pastures to pebbly beaches.
- A good, comfortable backpack. Even though you’re just out for the day, you’ll need more than a “fanny pack.” Find a comfy, small backpack; the kind with the mesh holders for water, or other things you want handy, is a plus.
- Snacks because nothing is worse than being hungry on the trail. Or, hitting lunchtime with no lunch in sight. Have protein bars, hard candy (chocolate melts), maybe an apple.
- A walking stick is one of my necessities. I use a telescope model that fits into luggage for overseas flights. It helps with balance, getting over difficult terrain, and is as useful uphill as downhill. They are easy to find at outfitters; the good ones are pricey.
- You need to be prepared for varying weather conditions: rain gear, shorts, long sleeve shirts, hats, sunglasses, sunscreen. If your luggage is transported daily you needn’t carry all this stuff. Having it with you means you can be prepared for any weather.
- Tissues for a runny nose and for when nature calls. Small plastic bags with a “zip” closure for tissue storage until you reach a trash bin. Pre-moistened wipes are useful and take up little room. Bring insulated, refillable water bottles. It’s imperative to stay hydrated, and buying water along the trail is an annoyance.
Highlights of Walk, Lyme Regis to Lulworth Cove.
We started this adventure in Lyme Regis, spending a few days at this durable seaside resort. For well-heeled Londoners in the 19th Century, Lyme Regis was a “go-to” summer destination.
“A very strange stranger it must be, who does not see charms in the immediate environs of Lyme, to make him wish to know it better.”
It’s as true today as it was back then. Below, the garden path she was said to have strolled.
The town’s other claim to fame is being the epicenter of England’s early proving ground for the Evolution vs Creation debate, raging in 19th C intellectual circles.
Mary Anning (1799–1847), a self-educated fossil hunter and collector, was eventually credited with the first discovery of the plesiosaur, who roamed these parts during the Jurassic era. In her time, Mary endured intellectual and gender bias by the more “learned” men at the British Museum but now has her due.
We left Lyme Regis, walking along the shoreline and up across the “Golden Cap” toward the town of Eype.
It was a strenuous 9 miles in scorching heat, with gorgeous views but no relief from the sun. It was a relief to find this welcome sweet on the pillow at the hotel.
Day 2 Eype to Abbotsbury an eleven mile stretch of easy to moderate terrain, but difficult underfoot on the pebbly beach.
Walking under the dramatic cliffs, but no fossils to be found.
Day 3 took us from Abbotsbury to Weymouth, thirteen miles over easy terrain. Here the challenge here was the lack of amenities: no rest stops or places to buy lunch. We were slower than planned, and should have anticipated the need to carry a sandwich. Live and learn. Snacks filled in. Water was crucial!
Day 4, Weymouth to Lulworth Cove. It was a strenuous thirteen miles to Lulworth, but perhaps the most dramatic scenery of all. The highlight is the spectacular limestone arch known as the Durdle Door. The steep incline covering 1.25 miles or so is worth the slog.
It’s summer, and do you know what your plans are? NO PLANS?! You need Ideas! So head on over to 3 Score’s Travel News page.
Food tours in Dublin, Cruise ideas (and bargains!), the ultimate list of travel essentials.
Get some ideas, get your essentials, and off you go!
All I can say is Mea Culpa. I’ve been AWOL on the 3 Score Travel News Page. For far too long.
But beginning today, it’s back with an update. If you have been thinking about an Alaskan Cruise, it’s not too late to book for this summer or early fall.
And, Scout’s honor: I promise to keep it up with timely tidbits. But I also promise not to share every airline horror story. We’ve all seen enough of those.
If you suffer from Rheumatoid Arthritis (RA), you know travel can be a challenge. But it doesn’t mean you’re stuck at home!
With the following pro tips, and proper RA management, the best of travel is there for you.
Quick Facts About RA
- RA, disease of the auto-immune system commonly affecting joints in fingers, wrists, ankles, knees and joints. It is a chronic condition, meaning it can “flare” or recede.
- Over a million people in the U.S.are diagnosed with RA, predominately women. It is most commonly detected in the prime travel years, between the ages of 40-60.
- Curiously, RA is symmetrical; it affects joints on both sides of the body. With pain or stiffness in your right knee or ankle, chances are you’ll feel it in on your left side, too.
- With treatment and self-care, traveling with RA is very manageable. So, pack your bags and book that adventure. An RA diagnosis doesn’t mean you can’t see the world!
Managing RA When Traveling
For solid advice, we turn to the experts in the video below.
Dr. Grace C. Wright, a noted Rheumatologist and Clinical Associate Professor of Medicine at New York University’s Langone School of Medicine.
With her is Maria an RA patient, sharing her experiences as a traveler with RA. Maria has built a successful company and active lifestyle and wishes to be presented by first name only.
5 Top Tips for Travelers with RA
- Stay hydrated! Make sure you have a water bottle handy at all times, especially in dry conditions (such as long flights).
- Get comfy! Use a neck pillow, stretch out, get up and move around in a plane or train as soon as it is safe to do so. Frequent rest stops while driving long distances will help keep stiffness at bay.
- Rx: plenty of rest. A good sleep routine is very important! Time changes can disrupt your sleep patterns, so use the first few days to get into a good sleep rhythm.
- Balance exercise and rest. In addition to a good night’s sleep, be sure to balance rest and exercise. It’s easy, when traveling, to push onward to that next shop, the next museum. Schedule rest periods during the day, to help manage joint inflammation when walking.
- Warm/cold therapies. As Maria notes in the interviews, a warm soak can work wonders when traveling. Heat, or massage, will serve to reduce minor inflammation. Cold therapies such as an ice bag, will help relieve more acute pain and inflammation.
The Upshot: RA? So what?
Choose your destination and safe travels!
© 2018 Jane Trombley
Editor’s Note: This originally published on Medium, addressing Millennials. Feel free to pass it along…
Hey twenty-somethings, now it’s your turn.
It doesn’t have to be travel, but it could be.
Remember “take your child to work” day when you were a kid?
Some employers made it a big deal, providing a plethora of snacks and diversionary activities so you could mingle with other employee’s children. After all, the worker bees still had to work.
If super lucky, you played with an ancient computer, ravaged through the desk, went to lunch.
Beyond the excitement of a ‘free’ day from school, you got a glimpse of the mysterious adult world of work.
And now you’re in that adult world with the laid bare: the need for an income.
It turns out the work part is but a piece of the adulthood puzzle.
Here’s another piece:
Take on the adult role of the host: invite your parent/s to join you. Maybe for just an afternoon, maybe for an overnight, perhaps for just a day trip.
Before the anticipated WTF moment hijacks your amygdala and you close down this post in disgust, or before your partner/spouse says, “over my dead body,” hear me out.
It’s the actual marker of having passed beyond adolescence.
If you can’t make it through a holiday dinner with your parents, a longer duration is not in the cards. You can stop reading now.
But for the rest of you, this is an opportunity to cultivate a more vibrant relationship. You’ll be the winner.
Sure they drive you nuts.
You drive them nuts.
But here’s what’s in it for you
Experience your parents as people.
Your parent/s may not be the uptight jerk/s you think they are.
They may be entirely different people over drinks than over the Thanksgiving table with the insufferable Aunt Susie.
Your invitation to spend time together may reveal some unrealized truths.
Isn’t it time to find out?
Give your parents the opportunity to witness your maturity.
You’re probably not the narcissistic jerk your parents think you are — or thought you were.
A near-universal dictate is that parents become smarter after their children turn 25. The reverse holds true: adult children become less annoying, and more interesting after they turn 25.
In truth, age 25 is considered a significant milestone. It’s not just an adage; behavioral science tells us that by the mid-20’s a person’s mindset becomes more long-range and less self-centered. Thanks, hormones.
Consider the value of building social skills.
Your parents taught you your primary language, how to ride a bike. Now you can use interaction with them as a tutorial honing advanced social navigation skills.
It will serve you very well in any number of your own personal or professional interactions.
What do I mean by this? Mull over these scenarios:
The Difficult Conversation. It’s often political. How do you disarm without offense? If you can do it with your father or father-in-law, you can do it with a client.
Too Much Booze.This is different from your pal over-indulging. Perfect the social pirouette of ‘getting mom to bed’ after that one-too-many daiquiris. Swap out “mom” for the tipsy sales prospect. See the connection?
Disaster Museum Visit. Not every plan is going to hit the mark. Vagaries abound. It can rain, it can be too hot, too cold, too far to walk.
But again, to use the work analogy: what happens when your PowerPoint presentation goes awry? Or when the wrong facts embedded in the “killer” summary prepared for your boss’s boss are your responsibility?
You pivot, you scramble, you concoct Plan B on the fly. It’s no different here.
Consider it a low-risk training exercise for life.
Parents want a touchstone to your adult lives and not be left behind.
Parents of adult children (and I am one, so I speak with authority) value nothing more than the gift of your time.
If you can treat, great; pride will burst their buttons, and it’s arguably the fast track to heaven.
But this isn’t about your credit line; it’s about your calendar. The true gift is your time. Parent/s know that.
Make it an afternoon, an overnight. A long weekend. Plan as a surprise or dive into the planning process together.
Agree on some ground rules from the git-go.
- This event is not a make-over. Of your life or theirs.
- This is not an intervention. There is another time and place for that.
- You are not inviting them to opine on your life choices, nor will you opine on theirs
- If your politics are at polarity, then put that topic in the no-fly zone.
- If there is disapproval of either’s partner, lifestyle, or choices, well, likewise.
You know what will work. You know the buttons that can get pushed. Get agreement on not pushing them, or having them pushed — by anyone.
You’re a grown-up. You have more power, more leverage than you think. You can set the guidelines. It’s your party.
Let’s get specific.
You might be booking away WITHOUT finishing this article. If so, you’re welcome.
Otherwise here are some tips and tricks:
- Make it pretty local as transportation can escalate the costs.
- Is it realistic to tie in a sibling? Possibly tie in a sibling?
- Play to parent interests:
– A favorite sport? A favorite team?
– Culture/museums/city day or weekend
– Country day or weekend
– Cooking weekend
- Play to joint interests
– Active stuff like hiking, biking, golf, sailing
You know your family’s interests better than I do.
A final word.
Do it. Do it now.
It gets more complicated with time.
It’s you who has the time constraint.
It’s you who has the distractions (or will) of family, spouse/significant other, job obligations. Working like crazy. Building that start-up — or the next start- up. Or the one after that.
It’s you whose life is the expanding universe with options, choices, obligations, decisions, and demands that are concurrent with the most productive years of your life.
Before things get too crazy, plan the time. You won’t regret it.
Who knows? This could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship. One that has been decades in the making.
Let me know how it goes.
Copyright 2018 Jane Trombley
This article first appeared in Medium.
Today we’re taking another step to expand 3 Score’s purview and celebrate a special birthday (my granddaughter, Ava).
Ava turned one earlier in April, at the start of National Poetry Month.
So it seemed only natural to ask Elephant and Giraffe to join in.