How Time With Your Parents Can Make You a Better Adult

 

Editor’s Note: This originally published on Medium, addressing Millennials.  Feel free to pass it along…

Hey twenty-somethings, now it’s your turn.

It doesn’t have to be travel, but it could be.

Remember “take your child to work” day when you were a kid?

Some employers made it a big deal, providing a plethora of snacks and diversionary activities so you could mingle with other employee’s children. After all, the worker bees still had to work.

If super lucky, you played with an ancient computer, ravaged through the desk, went to lunch.

Beyond the excitement of a ‘free’ day from school, you got a glimpse of the mysterious adult world of work.

And now you’re in that adult world with the laid bare: the need for an income.

It turns out the work part is but a piece of the adulthood puzzle.

Here’s another piece:

Take on the adult role of the host: invite your parent/s to join you. Maybe for just an afternoon, maybe for an overnight, perhaps for just a day trip.

WHAAAT?

Before the anticipated WTF moment hijacks your amygdala and you close down this post in disgust, or before your partner/spouse says, “over my dead body,” hear me out.

It’s the actual marker of having passed beyond adolescence.

If you can’t make it through a holiday dinner with your parents, a longer duration is not in the cards. You can stop reading now.

But for the rest of you, this is an opportunity to cultivate a more vibrant relationship. You’ll be the winner.

Sure they drive you nuts.

You drive them nuts.

But here’s what’s in it for you

Experience your parents as people.

Your parent/s may not be the uptight jerk/s you think they are.

They may be entirely different people over drinks than over the Thanksgiving table with the insufferable Aunt Susie.

Your invitation to spend time together may reveal some unrealized truths.

Isn’t it time to find out?

Give your parents the opportunity to witness your maturity.

You’re probably not the narcissistic jerk your parents think you are — or thought you were.

A near-universal dictate is that parents become smarter after their children turn 25. The reverse holds true: adult children become less annoying, and more interesting after they turn 25.

In truth, age 25 is considered a significant milestone. It’s not just an adage; behavioral science tells us that by the mid-20’s a person’s mindset becomes more long-range and less self-centered. Thanks, hormones.

Consider the value of building social skills.

Your parents taught you your primary language, how to ride a bike. Now you can use interaction with them as a tutorial honing advanced social navigation skills.

It will serve you very well in any number of your own personal or professional interactions.

What do I mean by this? Mull over these scenarios:

The Difficult Conversation. It’s often political. How do you disarm without offense? If you can do it with your father or father-in-law, you can do it with a client.

Too Much Booze.This is different from your pal over-indulging. Perfect the social pirouette of ‘getting mom to bed’ after that one-too-many daiquiris. Swap out “mom” for the tipsy sales prospect. See the connection?

Disaster Museum Visit. Not every plan is going to hit the mark. Vagaries abound. It can rain, it can be too hot, too cold, too far to walk.

But again, to use the work analogy: what happens when your PowerPoint presentation goes awry? Or when the wrong facts embedded in the “killer” summary prepared for your boss’s boss are your responsibility?

You pivot, you scramble, you concoct Plan B on the fly. It’s no different here.

Consider it a low-risk training exercise for life.

Parents want a touchstone to your adult lives and not be left behind.

Parents of adult children (and I am one, so I speak with authority) value nothing more than the gift of your time.

If you can treat, great; pride will burst their buttons, and it’s arguably the fast track to heaven.

But this isn’t about your credit line; it’s about your calendar. The true gift is your time. Parent/s know that.

Make it an afternoon, an overnight. A long weekend. Plan as a surprise or dive into the planning process together.

Agree on some ground rules from the git-go.

  • This event is not a make-over. Of your life or theirs.
  • This is not an intervention. There is another time and place for that.
  • You are not inviting them to opine on your life choices, nor will you opine on theirs
  • If your politics are at polarity, then put that topic in the no-fly zone.
  • If there is disapproval of either’s partner, lifestyle, or choices, well, likewise.

You know what will work. You know the buttons that can get pushed. Get agreement on not pushing them, or having them pushed — by anyone.

You’re a grown-up. You have more power, more leverage than you think. You can set the guidelines. It’s your party.

Let’s get specific.

You might be booking away WITHOUT finishing this article. If so, you’re welcome.

Otherwise here are some tips and tricks:

  • Make it pretty local as transportation can escalate the costs.
  • Is it realistic to tie in a sibling? Possibly tie in a sibling?
  • Play to parent interests:

– A favorite sport? A favorite team?

– Culture/museums/city day or weekend

– Country day or weekend

– Spa/Yoga/hair

– Cooking weekend

  • Play to joint interests

– Active stuff like hiking, biking, golf, sailing

You know your family’s interests better than I do.

A final word.

Do it. Do it now.

It gets more complicated with time.

It’s you who has the time constraint.

It’s you who has the distractions (or will) of family, spouse/significant other, job obligations. Working like crazy. Building that start-up — or the next start- up. Or the one after that.

It’s you whose life is the expanding universe with options, choices, obligations, decisions, and demands that are concurrent with the most productive years of your life.

Before things get too crazy, plan the time. You won’t regret it.

Who knows? This could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship. One that has been decades in the making.

Let me know how it goes.

Copyright 2018  Jane Trombley

This article first appeared in Medium.

 

 

 

 

 

 


Celebrating a Special Birthday With Poetry

photo of birthday card featuring elephant and giraffe

Today we’re taking another step to expand 3 Score’s purview and celebrate a special birthday (my granddaughter, Ava).

Ava turned one earlier in April, at the start of National Poetry Month.

So it seemed only natural to ask Elephant and Giraffe to join in.

Continue reading “Celebrating a Special Birthday With Poetry”

An open letter to young activists: please, please don’t give up

protestors in Washington DC

Editor’s note: The original version of this post appeared Saturday, March 24th on Medium.com.  It marks an expansion of topics covered by 3 Score & More to include those which resonate and are part of our larger societal conversations.    I look forward to your thoughts and reactions. – Jane

Dear Young Activists,

RE: #marchforourlives

Please, please don’t give up. Don’t give in. And by all means, vote in every election, local through federal, at every opportunity, for the rest of your lives.

You are saving our nation, our sense of decency and our sense of societal responsibility. Undoubtedly you are saving lives.

Saturday, March 24th was the national no, international, March For Our Lives. Driven by outrage, fear, empathy, the protests represent a commitment to finally, irrevocably, change the storyline.

 Emma Gonzalez’s moving speech (or lack of it) was simply riveting.

It redefined what 6 minutes mean. Actions speak louder than words.

No Small Impact

– You are calling it what it is. Gun violence in our schools and communities.

   – You are not copping out by making it about mental health, although that is a factor.

 – You are insisting on changes to our laws to eliminate easy access to militarized weapons, tarted up for consumer use.

 – You are respectful of the Second Amendment, important to many and foundational to our national identity.

 – You have reframed the argument from an attack on our “rights” to an attack on our lives. All of our lives. You have changed the conversation.

 – You have put the key issue — gun violence — squarely in your sights, to use an unfortunate metaphor. Bravo. And thank you.

Thanks to the #Parkland students who have admirably, bravely and coherently led the charge in the wake of unspeakable tragedy.

They have awakened and empowered their generation, and today we see a groundswell of unwavering support. And action.

The power of the ballot box

You have, or will soon have, the power of the ballot box. It’s something my generation didn’t have at the height of the Vietnam War protests in 1968.

Would the 1968 election turned out differently if the voting age had been 18, not 21? We’ll never know.

As a result, we had the draft. You have the right to vote. Use it. It’s a powerful weapon.

From one Boomer, thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Copyright 2018 Jane Trombley All rights reserved.

How to be an Xenophile in your 60’s

Say  whaaat?   A  Xenophile? Sounds weird.  A bit creepy even.  But it really is the essence of travel.   In English, the word xenophile derives from Greek xenos meaning strange/unfamiliar (person or object). Combine that with the phile –  to love something or be an enthusiast. So think Anglophile, bibliophile, cinephile. A xenophile embraces new people, places, and experiences, the  very definition of travel.  One could say being an intentional xenophile enables living life to its fullest and richest.  In that case, yes, we want to be xenophiles in our 60’s.  Here’s how…

Continue reading “How to be an Xenophile in your 60’s”

Ringing in the New (Year)

Each New Year brings a commitment to change: making resolutions (preferably ones we actually keep), kicking old bad habits,  starting anew.

Continue reading “Ringing in the New (Year)”

Why I love to blog: 5 hopefully good reasons

Today is Labor Day in the United States, and my labor is this blog. The holiday honors those whose labor enabled a pretty nice life for many and, for the country, enormous economic advantage.  The day got me thinking about my own current labor. For the last sixteen months, during what otherwise would be described as “retirement”, I have labored at creating content for this travel-focused blog, 3 Score & More, the one that you’re reading now.  It’s unpaid labor; I’ve made nary a dime. It is sometimes very frustrating.  In the end, it is definitely a labor of love and here’s why….

Continue reading “Why I love to blog: 5 hopefully good reasons”

How to celebrate a milestone birthday

 

There are all sorts of ways to celebrate a milestone birthday: A blow-out party, cozy family event, festivities in all configurations. And of course travel… my favorite way to celebrate anything. 

It was an honor to join a friend’s milestone birthday celebration in Barbados.  A brilliant way to acknowledge gratitude for years past and anticipate the years to come with a gathering of friends and a smattering of spouses who joined for the last few days. 

Here’s how it went down…along with some practical how to’s for your own milestone celebration. Continue reading “How to celebrate a milestone birthday”

Travel and Discovery: My Bucket List Goals for 2017

2017 is well underway – do you know where your travel bucket list stands?  Because the lists themselves are often so willy-nilly… I’ve decided to create Bucket List Goals to help structure a sometimes feckless travel decision-making process. Each of these categories fulfills my passion for travel, style, and discovery.  And each promises to open new horizons.

You’ll read about all these adventures as they unfold, but here’s the plan-in-progress.

Continue reading “Travel and Discovery: My Bucket List Goals for 2017”

5 Insights from travel industry leaders

Every January, the New York Travel Show hosts America’s premier travel industry event, with more than 500 exhibitor booths, 250 industry speakers and colorful brochures galore. Over 100 cultural presentations beguile would-be travelers with a taste of exotic destinations. At the same time, locations closer to home are viewed anew and added to the “must visit” bucket list.

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According to industry leaders, travel is alive and well in 2017 – booming, in fact, and apace with technology and digital innovations.   Here are some insights (and some surprises) from the Keynote Panel delivered to travel industry professionals attending the show.  Continue reading “5 Insights from travel industry leaders”

A Blogger’s Rookie Year

In the roller coaster year of 2016, the indisputable bright spot for me was the launch of 3 Score and More in May.   With gratitude for all the extraordinary experiences, and excitement about what lies ahead, here’s a “best of” look at how Travel, Style, and Discovery played out over the last eight months…. Continue reading “A Blogger’s Rookie Year”